The committee had fun inventing these rules
As a graphic artist I have this habit of looking at packaging. It was no different for me last Tuesday when a miniature kite arrived in the mail. It is reassuring to know that this marvel of toy manufacturing has been around since 1995! That made the purchase of my kite much more repuatable to me.. I just wouldn’t fly a kite by any “johnny come lately” paper plant! Who could trust a toy company in China spawned after the year 2000? And so with my consumer confidence in place I read the directions. I soon found out that 1) these were serious kites.. and 2) these factory workers weren’t kidding when they asked me (advice#2) to unwind some thread at the start. It was so helpful to be told I could get extra high flight if I attached the 10m thread to an empty spool. To which I wanted to reply.. “Guys, I don’t know many American households that keep a spool around just for such a crisis as this! As a matter of fact I think one out of every thousand homes in the USA has a sewing machine or a spool of just about any kind of thread!
I was smiling about the “small world” effect when I kept reading the inept advice of the busy exporters. Just notice advice #3 on the list. First off, this whole bullet point lost its pronoun! Too bad, so sad. But this grammar goof up did give me license to picture my terrier with his “hand up in the breeze” (Or better yet, it led me down the primrose path of remembering the hours I have spent in charismatic worship services!) But, as I thought about breezes and worshipping I said to myself, “No, that couldn’t be right.. with China being mostly atheists and all.. they most certainly didn’t have praising Jesus in mind with advisory #3. What about the upper age limit of 105? That’s a relief for a few more decades.. and the speed limit… 5 mph to 20mph. Wow, I am glad they tested that out for my flying pleasure.. Rip resistant and it won’t hurt to take in to my bathroom shower! Good to know!
We kept right on reading and actually the list just kept getting BETTER. It kept coughing up lines and causing laughs around our house. My kids even came out of hiding from their dens of video darkness. One of my boys had a fondness for #5.. the advice came in two simple words: “Have Fun.” He liked it because he agrees with me that legislating fun for a kite gig is a dumb idea. It is like telling the wait staff at most US restaurants to say “Enjoy” at the exact moment that he or she puts a plate of food on the table. Really? Can a mood be thrust on a person like a high five? I must admit I have been so sad at diners and eateries on occasion that the meal I ordered was more about eating to do the next right thing than having a blast.. have you felt that before? So that begs the question,, Can anyone fly a kite, run in a rainstorm, or enjoy a bowl of homemade ice cream because they willed it to be fun? What do you think? China thinks so.. and there it is in the fine print: “Have fun!” It only made me wonder if the fun deprived workers at the paper plant might have spent one too many hours under the florescents. Or, maybe, they just think Americans are all like Fred Astaire, dancing in the rain most days.
So, advise me, what am I to do?
I guess I should try to obey the systematic steps.. as much as I can as an American and if I do my three inch kite might live to see another day. Maybe that’s the point of this exercise.. which brings me to one last rule– a truly inspired and poetic metaphor I found on the Promo Kite packaging. This subtle nod to Zen made me feel like folding over in a reverent Oriental bow on the spot. The words are cleverly posted sideways and fashionably gray (this may be the upper limit to how far the Helvetica family can walk on the wild side) –but there in a Helvetica font face (regular) were these words.. ‘Handle with care. Like a butterfly.’
Now, believe me, I approve of this message, though this tidbit of advice is at odds with the kite thread advice to get the thing up in the high winds! I am not sure butterfly wings are built to survive gale force winds. So ,to handle my conflict, I decided to forget the advice of the rebel in China that practiced on his promo kite in high winds (10m) with a spool. Instead, I plan to listen attentively to the latent poet writing grace on the mylar encased around my mini kite. Handle with care.. Yes. That’s good. Honor fragile insects.. That’s good, too! I, Nita Andrews, give my American assent to that globally green idea.. But what about experimenting with the kite in my backyard in July? What advice is approved for my testing ground? I guess for now, since Tennessee is a humid and static sauna, my best move is to have hands up in the breeze (advice #3), use 10 m of thread, unspool the thread, and pray that somewhere in my life my heart is handled with care, like a butterfly. BTW >>Anybody out there game to do advice #6 for me? I have never packed a map up correctly for the glove box– much less a kite.
